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Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

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Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

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maryque.com/blog/2008-2015 - 27/07

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

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Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

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Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::file_listing() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 29

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::file_listing() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 29

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::file_listing() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 29

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::read_file() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 13

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Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41

Deprecated: Non-static method fileio::strip_extension() should not be called statically in /var/www/maryque.com/blog/2008-2015/scripts/sb_fileio.php on line 41
27/07 
Olen nyt yrittänyt kohta kaksi tuntia kirjoittaa ulos tätä huonoa oloa. Siellä se vain on, välillä kiristävänä kimppuna kurkussa asti. Luulin päässeeni yli ja eteenpäin, ja on ollut hienoa nähdä sinunkin toipuvan. En osannut odottaa tätä reaktiota, tätä fiilistä joka on nyt ollut päällä jo päiväkausia.

Ehkä se alkoi hotellihuoneessa. Vietin muutaman viikon täysin yksin. Mietin paljon omaa yksinolon tarvettani. Se on tuntunut niin tärkeältä että nämä yksinäisyyden ja ikävän tunteet sekoittavat kaiken. Istuin huoneen parvekkeella ja mietin kuinka hienoa olisi jos olisit täällä, tulisit vaikka suihkusta, kävelisit huoneen läpi pyyhe päällä, koputtaisit hymyillen parvekkeen oveen ja saisit minut heräämään ajatuksistani. Tekisit kaikesta parempaa, kiskoisit minut ulos omalta ainaiselta mukavuusalueeltani. Onnistuit siinä välillä hyvin, muistatko? Joskus siihen riitti vain sinun hymysi.

Olin kai vain tottunut liikaa siihen että olet olemassa, että olet kuitenkin aika lähellä. Lähempänä kuin kukaan. Kaiken sen jälkeen mitä koimme yhdessä. Nyt tuntuu siltä että menetän ystävän, eikä minulla ole oikein varaa menettää niistä enää yhtään.

Tiedän: tämä on vain ohimenevä masennusjakso. Kaikki paranee kyllä. Loma loppuu, arkirutiinit palaavat ja tuovat mukanaan suunnitelmallisuutta ja varmuutta. En vain ole ollut tällaisessa tilanteessa hyvin pitkään aikaan, ja olen ilmeisesti unohtanut osan keinoista millä olen ennen pitänyt ajatuksiani aisoissa.

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